Introduction

 

Congratulations on your purchase of a brand-new Takura Icarus™ temporal vehicle! Here at the Takura Corporation, we wish you and your vehicle the best of success in the past, present, and future.

 

Here you will find useful information regarding the proper use of your purchase, causality safety information, and standard temporal etiquette.

 

Whilst we do recognise use of the popular term “time machine”, your Takura Icarus™ will be referred to simply as “the vehicle” for the remainder of this user-friendly guide.

 

* * *

 

Transit

 

Please do not place any part of your body outside the vehicle during transit. You may experience temporal and/or spatial desynchronisation with the body part in question. Recovery and reattachment will incur additional charges.

 

Ensure that you keep your eyes closed for the duration of transit. Seeing large amounts of time and space at once may be incompatible with the human nervous system. Medical errors may occur. You may wish to use the blindfolds provided in the labelled compartments in front of you.

 

Sick bags are also provided. Based on customer feedback, we advise that you familiarise yourself with the location of these before you affix your blindfold.

 

* * *

 

Travelling to the past: Do’s and do-not-do’s

 

Do not attend any events from your past that you were not invited to and feel you may have missed out on, including, but not limited to: proms, best friends’ birthday parties, work nights out, and other social gatherings. Your unwanted presence may have unseen effects further down the timeline.

Do not attend any events from your past that you were invited to, as this risks interaction with your past self.

 

DO NOT INTERACT WITH YOUR PAST SELF UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. This is one of the most common causes of temporal disruption, and you may be fined for the unauthorised creation of a paradox. Note that you are only authorised to interact with your past self if you recommend that they purchase a Takura product (or products) in their future.

 

Avoid the temptation to take revenge (physical, emotional or otherwise) on a childhood bully, former boss, cheating spouse, or other organic source of past trauma. Using your temporal vehicle for revenge purposes explicitly violates the User Agreement, and losing yet another altercation with your source of trauma may worsen any existing complexes.

 

Visiting a loved one that has since passed away, from a safe distance, is permitted. If needed, binoculars are available from our online store in packs of five or ten.

 

* * *

 

Travelling to the future: Do’s and do-not-do’s

 

If you become aware of any future risk to the Takura Corporation, including its staff, assets, or holdings, please call the helpline when you return to the present and select option 9. Please give as much detail as possible, including the times and dates of your travels, the nature of the threat, and any figures from the future stock markets or nanocurrency exchanges that you feel might be relevant.

 

Try to resist the temptation to visit your future self. The risk of temporal paradoxes notwithstanding, you may be disheartened by what you do or do not find.

 

DO NOT TRAVEL PAST THE YEAR 2255. Your vehicle should be fitted with measures to prevent this, although there have been a very small number of cases where these measures failed. The Takura Corporation would like to assure you that the victims and their families are in our thoughts.

 

* * *

 

What to do in the event of a breakdown

 

If your vehicle breaks down in the present or near-future, please remain calm and call the helpline. We will be happy to provide any assistance whilst we are in operation!

 

Should you find yourself stranded in 2255 or further, do not make eye contact with anyone. You may wish to take the suicide pills stored in the secret compartment beneath the front left seat.

 

Regretfully, if your vehicle breaks down in the past, we will be unable to offer assistance at this time. Please refer to Appendix VIII for instructions on how to stay alive during various periods of human history. Customers identifying as female or non-binary, and/or those belonging to the list of ethnic minorities in Appendix XXV, are strongly advised to study this section in advance.

 

Do not despair. There is theoretically a chance that you will be able to live a fulfilling life in the past. If you find yourself in the very distant past, this guide has been printed on a petroleum-rich paper substitute, to help you start your first fire.

 

* * *

 

FAQs

 

Q: Won’t it start to get crowded around major historical events?

 

A: Major historical events are usually crowded anyway, so this should not be an issue. We are currently undertaking research into what percentage of crowds at major historical events are not temporal tourists.

 

Q: If I try to influence the past, won’t that already have happened, in the past? Don’t I need to make sure I try and influence the past to prevent a paradox, as this might be what has always happened? What should I do?

 

A: Please remain calm. If by either action or inaction you maintain the correct flow of time, everything will proceed as normal. If not, you will be billed accordingly.

 

Q: Isn’t this like the car in that classic movie, Back To The Future?

 

A: No, it is completely different.

 

Q: Are historical recorded sightings of UFOs really just sightings of temporal vehicles?

 

A: We estimate that up to 50% and more of all recorded UFO sightings are now attributable to temporal vehicles.

 

Q: I found this guide inside the wreckage of a strange, ruined vehicle, many years after an apocalyptic disaster. Life is brutal and unforgiving. What was the past like?

 

A: It was great! Thank you for your interest.

 

* * *

 

Thank you!

 

Thank you again for your purchase of a Takura™ temporal vehicle! Use your vehicle responsibly, and remember: only you can prevent paradoxes!

 

Ichiro Takura,

 

CEO 2035-2070 (projected)

 

Takura Corporation